to have or to be.

(I wrote this post the day before I finally end my relationship)

It's been two weeks and might still counting, been habitual for me without you, and it has essentially taught me things for stepping a whole new level on my maturity process. Alhamdulillah Allah gives me another chance to learn, and above everything, to be myself the way I really am (all over again).

I finally have the ability to recall how strong and how amazing I am, remember how to spread my wings and learn to fly again. I feel like a feather now, light and has no fear of falling, cause wind will take me fly again anytime soon.

I remember the day when we haven't known each other well, how we saw each other's strong and pure personality. How I saw you that way and how you saw me this way. And as years gone by we forgot how "to be" us and only know how "to have" us. And it polluted us. I'm corrupted. There was even a point when I could say "seriously I'm not this kind of girl. This girl’s sick, I’m only playing her freakin role. This is not me. I'm strong and I'm no drama-queen", that happened when I've been so demanding, ask you to do this and to be that, to go here and to be there bla bla blah.. Mostly caused by my freaking expectation and ego.

So then you took a very hard step which turned out to be the only way to purify us all over again. I had no clue at all and it was hurtful, I cried much, slept with mama & papa, had no appetite at all and sick. Now this is all make sense: "I need to take space, and one of its essential reason is because I love you, Fara", despite the fact that you had a big problem in your life, I take a blessing in disguise. I feel blessed.

I'm happy and what makes me even happier is the fact that I'm happy because of my own self, not depend on the act of other person. I’m not saying this is easy and yes, I still need lots of practice to be perfectly okay.

Well, thank you. Thank you dear God, You know how much I learn from this. You work in the most mysterious way. And I finally arrived in this point where I can smile wisely and look back with no anger at all, and have no worry of what tomorrow will bring. I'm ready.

Alhamdulillah wa syukurillah.
Sincerely,
Fara Ramadhina

honey i'm leaving town

selamat tinggal peradaban

selamat tinggal kasur empuk kenyamanan

selamat tinggal teman-teman sayang

SAMPAI BERJUMPA SEBULAN LAGI! :D

mesin penenun hujan

"Merakit mesin penenun hujan, hingga terjalin terbentuk awan
Semua tentang kebalikan, terlukis, tertulis, tergaris di wajahmu

Keputusan yang tak terputuskan, ketika engkau telah tunjukkan
Semua tentang kebalikan, kebalikan di antara kita

Kau sakiti aku, kau gerami aku
Kau sakiti, gerami, kau benci aku
Tetapi esok nanti kau akan tersadar
Kau temukan seorang lain yang lebih baik
Dan aku kan hilang, ku kan jadi hujan
Tapi takkan lama, ku kan jadi awan

Merakit mesin penenun hujan, ketika engkau telah tunjukkan
Semua tentang kebalikan, kebalikan di antara kita"

frau - starlit carousel

his words of wisdom

"I love you without any understanding of what we are,

it's just me who understand that

love never meant to be understood."

Muhamad Robbyansyah, the closest friend of mine

piece of my right brain

I'm feeling like.. an award winner.

tempat berlindung di hari tua, tempat akhir menutup mata.

Hey folks,

among those 12 outermost points of Nusantara,

I'll be in Tanjung Dato, Kalimantan Barat, for a month.

I'll be there for my duty in kuliah kerja nyata UI 2010, with only nine other fellows from UI.

we split in two groups, consist of five persons each.

super-luckily, my group is chosen for doing the most interesting core program:

menggali wisata bahari, wisata alam dan budaya! yeyy :)

we also have eight routine programs, and I’ll be in charge for “bernyanyi, mendongeng, dan bermain permainan tradisional” and “kesehatan lingkungan (termasuk pembuatan pekarangan) dan KB untuk lelaki” program. what a work!

my senior said there's no signal at all in Tanjung Dato,

Telkom, even PLN never reach them.

but I hope it won't be a big deal since I know how wonderful this journey will be.

I thank God that most of the people in Tanjung Dato are moslems,

yet I still don't know whether I should use jilbab there (like in sabang) or not.

at least they don't drink minuman keras as in other destination of KKN, like Pulau Miangas,

or have some "orang moro", people which can literally disappear, like in Pulau Morotai.

Still, like everywhere in Kalimantan, the mystical culture in Tanjung Dato is still strong,

so I should give full attention of my attitude.

wish me best luck and experience, folks ;)

one of my best buddies said he's worried about my trip,

for he heard the news about big earthquake in Biak, about 7.6 richter,

and he wants me to consider that before I leave.

yes dear friend, I’ll take care of myself.

FYI there, Malaysia takes our natural resources over and over again.

I know this is what I want,

I wanna do something real for my Indonesia.

I’m taking a baby step and this is where I start.

It’s not going to be easy, but I know it’s going to be worth it.

for I live I take risk and I learn.

hello again

I'M SORRY MY BLOG I'M NOT WRITING YOU REGULARLY
PLEASE DON'T FEEL FORGOTTEN,
CAUSE I DO THINK ABOUT YOU (FOR A FEW TIMES)
I MISS YOU MUCH SO I THINK I'LL WRITE YOU AGAIN IN A MINUTE

WAIT UP, MY DEAR BLOG. CUP